This is a serious post, though the main ingredient, Unicorn Kisses seltzer, is part of an elaborate April Fool’s plot. When my friend Kate insisted that we go to the store for Unicorn Kisses early last Saturday, I knew I had to make a cocktail from it. For this difficult mission, I called in my friend maryr for expert advice, sparkly stickers, and coordinating bandaid choices.
First off, the seltzer itself. It’s got a floral nose that is reminiscent of kid’s lip gloss, or maybe watermelon jolly rancher, or maybe Strawberry Shortcake (the doll, not the dessert). Basically, it smells like pink and rainbows and glitter. Luckily, it’s artificially sweetened, so it’s not cloying, despite that aroma. It does kinda taste like artificially-flavored candy, but we couldn’t quite put our finger on what the actual flavor is. I would never drink something like this generally (so I’m glad I didn’t get a case of the stuff), but it is remarkably quaffable given all that.
We made two drinks, one that accentuated the Unicorn Kisses flavor and one that complemented it.
1.5 oz white rum (Don Q) 0.5 oz grenadine (Else's) 2.5 oz Unicorn Kisses (Polar) Build in a glass with ice Garnish with a lemon twist and a sticker
Not, good per se, but it really fulfills the promise of the Unicorn Kisses, so kinda like alcoholic strawberry Nerds candy? An experience.
The second drink was clearly the best of the evening:
1.5 oz Midori, chilled Unicorn Kisses to cover Express a lemon peel over and garnish
Um. This was good? Like smooth and sweet and like non-sour apple candy? Jolly Rancher was our go-to again for a taste comparison. The Unicorn Kisses cut the melon and sweetness of the Midori nicely. A hundred things in my bar, and it’s the Midori that paired best? This is confusing and I need to lie down now.
In all our sampling, it was the remnants of college drinking that worked best, Midori, grenadine, peach schnapps, etc. Any attempt we made to add bitters or complexity either overwhelmed and masked the Unicorn Kisses or was outright vile. So, in the end, the seltzer is probably best enjoyed on its own, if you are lucky enough to come by a bottle.